Unveiling the Real Me: My Identity as the Clown
Being a performer entailed assuming different personas on stage. I have played a myriad of roles, from heroes to villains, from lovers to outcasts. However, there is one character that struck a chord with me the most, and that is the clown. Behind the painted face and the colorful clothes lies my truest identity, the one that I keep hidden from the world. In this essay, I will talk about how the clown became a part of me and what it represents.
Discovering the Clown
I was ten years old when I saw my first circus. The image of the clowns jumping around, spraying each other with water, and making the audience laugh stuck with me. After the show, I would try to imitate them in front of the mirror, putting on my own clown makeup and creating silly acts to entertain myself. As I went through different stages in life, the clown remained a constant muse. When I started studying theater in college, I decided to delve deeper into the art of clowning.
It was not an easy process. Many people associate clowns with children's parties and cheesy jokes. Others have coulrophobia, a fear of clowns, which they acquired either through bad experiences or media portrayals of clowns as evil beings. However, I found that clowning is much more than that. It is an art form that requires a high level of physical and emotional sensitivity. A good clown can cross language and cultural barriers and touch people's hearts.
Embodying the Clown
Clowning taught me to be more present in the moment. Unlike other characters that I have portrayed in plays, the clown does not have a script to follow. It thrives on improvisation and interaction with the audience. The more that I let go of my inhibitions and allow the clown to take over, the more I discover about myself.
The clown represents the childlike and innocent side of me, the one that I tend to dismiss in my adult life. It reminds me of the wonder and joy that I felt when I was a kid, free from the worries and responsibilities that come with growing up. However, the clown also represents vulnerability and fragility. It is not afraid of exposing its flaws and mistakes, as long as they evoke genuine emotions from the audience. In a way, the clown is a mirror that reflects the human condition - the beauty and the ugliness, the laughter and the tears.
The Clown as a Calling
As I embrace my identity as the clown, I realize that it is not just a performance, but a calling. The clown has the power to heal and transform, not only in the entertainment industry but also in other social contexts. Clown doctors, for example, visit hospitals and children's wards to cheer up patients and their families. Clown activism, on the other hand, uses humor to raise awareness of social issues and to call for change.
Being the clown is not a static state; it evolves as I grow and experience more. It helps me connect with people on a deeper level, whether as a performer or as a human being. It reminds me that behind every mask, there is a person with a unique story and a complex identity.
So the next time you meet a clown, don't just laugh at the surface level. Look deeper, and you might see a part of yourself.
